Questions to Ask Your Grandparents

25 Questions to Ask Your Grandparents

Start near the top. The early questions are about places, meals and rules, which are easy to picture and easy to talk about. By the time you reach the questions about regrets and lessons, the conversation has warmed up and the answers come more freely.

Childhood and the House They Grew Up In

1. Do you have any memories before the age of five?
2. What room in your childhood home holds the most memories?
3. What was dinnertime like when you were growing up?
4. What is a family rule you had growing up that seemed strict but made sense later?
5. What is something about your childhood that kids today would not believe?
6. What smell always brings back some type of memory?

Their Own Parents and Grandparents

1. What is the most important lesson your parents taught you?
2. What is something you learned from your grandparents that you still carry with you?
3. What family recipe do you think should be passed down to every generation?
4. What is a tradition you had growing up that you still keep?

Work, Love and Big Decisions

1. What was your childhood dream job?
2. What's a defining moment where everything changed for you?
3. What's a risk you didn't take that you wish you had?
4. What's something you've sacrificed for something you cared about?
5. What is a phone call from a family member that changed everything?

How the World Has Changed

1. What old school skill set do you have?
2. If you could have grown up in a different decade, which one would you choose?
3. What has growing older taught you that being young could not?
4. Who have you met only one time that left a huge impression on you?

Looking Back

1. What is the most important lesson life has taught you so far?
2. What's a lesson you learned the hard way?
3. What's a regret you've made peace with?
4. What is the best piece of advice a family member ever gave you?
5. What would you want to be remembered for after you are gone?
6. What is a tradition you want to start for the next generation?

Ask for Scenes, Not Summaries

"What was your childhood like?" almost always gets "Oh, it was fine, we didn't have much." The question is too big, so the answer is a summary. Small, concrete questions get scenes instead. Ask what the kitchen looked like, who sat where at dinner, what the walk to school passed on the way. Once your grandparent is picturing a specific place, the stories follow on their own.

The follow-up matters more than the first question. When an answer sounds interesting, stay on it: "Who else was there?" "What did your mother say?" "How old were you?" "What happened after that?" One good story told in full is worth more than ten questions answered in a sentence each. If you only get through four questions in an hour, the conversation went well.

Bring Something to Look At

Old photos do half the work for you. Hand over a shoebox of pictures or a photo album and ask "Who is this?" and "Where was this taken?" A wedding photo can lead to how they met, and a picture of a car can turn into a story about the first one they bought. Recipe cards in their handwriting, a high school yearbook, a military discharge paper or a map of the town where they grew up all work the same way. If the old house still stands, pull up the street on a phone map and let them walk you down the block.

Record It, With Permission

A phone's voice memo app is enough. Ask first, set the phone down where neither of you is looking at it, and keep going as normal. Most people forget it is there after a few minutes. Recordings catch the things notes miss: the laugh before the punchline, the name of a neighbor you would never have spelled right, the way they say a word. Keep sessions to 30 or 40 minutes. Older people often tire before they run out of stories, and a second visit is better than a long first one.

At the Thanksgiving Table or One on One

A holiday dinner is a good place for the lighter questions, like dinnertime growing up, a recipe that should be passed down, or something kids today would not believe. Grandchildren can ask them, which grandparents usually love, and the whole table hears the answer. Some of the best family stories come out because a cousin said "wait, I never knew that."

Save the bigger questions, like regrets, sacrifices and phone calls that changed everything, for a quiet afternoon with just the two of you. People tell those stories to one listener, not to a room. A drive, a walk or helping with a chore in the kitchen works better than sitting face to face, because talking side by side takes the pressure off.

When Memory or Hearing Gets in the Way

Long-ago memories often stay sharp even when last week has gone fuzzy, so childhood questions tend to work better than recent ones. Sit close, face them and turn off the television. If an open question stalls, offer a choice instead: "Did you walk to school or take a bus?" Never correct a detail or quiz them on dates. Whether it was 1958 or 1961 does not matter, and correcting them is the fastest way to end the conversation.

Hard Subjects

Some grandparents lived through war, losing a child, leaving the country they were born in, or years of being poor. They may want to talk about it, or they may not. Let them lead. Asking "Is that something you'd tell me about?" gives them an easy way to say no. If they do open up, listen and don't rush to comfort or change the subject. Many older people say nobody ever asked.

Letting the Grandkids Ask

Children are often better interviewers than adults, because they ask the obvious questions grown-ups skip and grandparents answer them patiently. A six-year-old can handle the childhood section: what did you eat, what did your room look like, what got you in trouble. Teenagers can take on the work and decisions questions, and they tend to be surprised by the answers. Write three or four questions on an index card so a younger child has something to read from, and let them hold the phone that is recording.

What to Do With the Answers

Write the best stories down within a day, while you still remember how they were told. Share the recording with siblings and cousins, or type up the recipes and stories into a short family booklet to hand out at the next holiday. It also makes a good gift for the grandparent who told them. The questions above are just as good for parents, great-aunts and older neighbors, and the answers are worth more each year.

More Questions for Family Time

For questions the whole family can answer together, try our family questions, and if the holiday table needs something lighter, our dinner party questions work for any age. Grandkids who want a turn asking can use our questions for kids. For a slower one-on-one talk, the deep questions and getting to know someone lists go further, and the Questions Generator will pull a random question from more than 3,700 whenever you need one.